Or “in which I am a beloved failure,” OR “this is my defining moment, Y’all,” OR “I ate cliché’s for breakfast because the BEST IS YET TO COME!”

On Monday I transitioned from the foundation I was working for.  I’m not contractually able to say more than that, which in some ways, is a relief and when asked questions can feel good about thinking “mind yo beez wax, Playa!”  (Translation: mind your business, please).

niagra falls

If you’re newish to GwG, this is my 2nd job transition in 2 years.  I served for several years in campus ministry and walked away from my life in Ministry because I’d been overcome and was literally drowning in all sorts of issues: fundraising, working at home, working alongside my spouse, money issues, character issues, drive/energy PLUS the usuals of extended family crises & debt PLUS wrestling my own personal demons.  Quite honestly, I’m in the 3rd year of facing personal crisis’ on a massive level and I’m getting familiar with what I’m made of, which is more brave, strong and hope-filled than I ever knew.

There’s something beautiful about that.

Last July, I didn’t know what was next but I knew I needed to take a risk and leave ministry even though InterVarsity had long been my “dream job.”  That risk has paid off.  These last 9 months have marked significant improvement and growth in many of the aforementioned issues.  If nothing else, getting out of the house each day, going to an office and the giant change of pace from the previous 12 years gave me renewed energy and hope, exposed to me to a whole host of other career options and affirmed my intuitions to take riskS, live boldly and to choose the bigger life.  Three months ago, I wrote about experiencing post traumatic growth, and I’ve learned something invaluable: I, Grace Biskie, am good for me. 

Anyone struggling with self-doubt and massive personal failure can appreciate the bravery it takes to live, breathe and believe in yourself.

In the next few days, I’d like to sit and think through what I’ve learned from these past 8 months, what mistakes I made & what growth edge I need to focus on.

It’s important in any transition to think through what was lost, what was gained and lay plans for the future. 

Last Tuesday, I had an enormous sense of peace regarding this transition.  And then yesterday, reality set it in: holy fracking *&^, I’m unemployed.  And then by last night the lies came pouring in at an incredible rate, “failure of ALL failure’s!”

~~~~

I have an extremely strong sense -and I do mean, extremely- that this moment today, right now, right here in the midst of failure after failure after failure is my defining moment.  I’m not sure where it’s coming from nor how I’m reaching down deep to grab it, but I know today is the 1st of the rest of my life in ways I’ve never owned before.

Right now, more than ever, I have this eerie sense of how significantly my integrity matters, my character matters, my commitment to the things and the people I love, matter.  My ambitions matter.  My dreams matter.  This little, insignificant blog matters.  Even, my book (as undone and unpublished as it is) matters.  The two careers I’ve had matter.  My passion for the vulnerable, matter.  My love for all things communications, matter.  My failures matter.

I’m not in a position to throw out the bad because the good would have to go with it.  Every failure I’ve had has been wrapped up in a lesson or has offered grace in way I’ve never received it before.

~~~~

This transition also represents relief.  I felt achingly divided by working full-time and wanting to be home more often with my kids, investing in family and home life.  When I worked for InterVarsity, I had very little desire  to go the way of home-maker, was content to work a great deal and zero desire to be a stay-at-home Mom.  Through painful lessons and growth I now desire those things more than ever.  Being a stay-at-home Mom is not likely my next role until things stable out for us financially, but my intensified desires for these things has been a real gift.  Now, I fight for it alongside my dreams.  And that’s a win.

I am also somewhat relieved as I consider my next steps.  After all, the world is a big place and there are a lot of really cool options, one of which is to keep working hard to finish my book, secure an agent and sell it to a publishing house.

Also, I have a pretty kick-booty idea of a company I’d like to start.  I’m a bit too nervous to do a big reveal, but it involves all of the things I deeply love: social media, my faith, teaching, training, discipleship, mentoring, writing, photography & African-Americans.  ($5 to the one who guesses exactly where I’m headed with this).  This is not the job I apply for.  This is the job I’ve gotta go-balls-to-the-wall and chase.  Is there something frightening about that?  Yeah, but I’m up for it.

~~~~

The other day, I heard a speaker talking about how it’s okay to fail.  He talked about how often failure can launch us into our greatest successes.  He spoke of how one can leverage the power of commitment and ambition against the strength of failure to build amazing momentum for success.  This is where I’m headed y’all.  I know it, I know it, I know it.  My greatest successes and dreams are within my reach and I refuse to give up.

So, yeah, yesterday I threw a GIANT pity party. I let reality set it.  I sat with it: all my chips are down.  I have nothing to boast of: no successes in marriage, or money, or career.  By the world’s standards I may even be a bona-fide loser.  It’s been a HUGE challenge for me to navigate my worth (especially in writing) when I don’t have some of these major foundational aspects of life “under control.”

But I do have hope.

I do hold to this crazy notion that my career trajectory can’t define me & that God aint done with me yet. And what I know to be true is that even in my failures I am beloved by God, by my husband & my precious babies.  I have an amazing, supportive network of best friends, mentors, pray-ers and spiritual families & communities.  And, obviously, all of my blog readers.  Obviously.

My word for 2013 was to establish.  No matter what, I am working to establish the big rocks: home, family, health, finances & writing.

establish art

…and that is what I intend to do.  (I not intend to draw for a living.  As you can see there’s some challenges in that department).

~~~~

Every 1st Monday of the month, I’ll be taking seriously my One Word for 2013 by joining KristinAlyssa, Suzannah, Leigh, Danielle & others to update our one word progress.  You can join the OneWord365.com community & use the #onewordupdate hashtag on Twitter to follow along.

The word I chose was establish.  One aspect I hope to establish deeper this year is not only my relationship with my children but the practices, routines & interactions.

Here’s my  January 2013 #OneWordUpdate

Here’s my February 2013 #OneWord Update

                                                       You’ve just finished my March 2013 #OneWord Update

 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/kristin.m.andrews.1 Kristin McCauley Andrews

    This…”My greatest successes and dreams are within my reach and I refuse to give up.” is something that I needed to read today. Thank you for your openness about what you are going through and reminding me that I can keep going when things get hard.

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      Kristin, so so so glad to hear that! Really, it’s amazing. Don’t give up either ya hear? I won’t let you!

  • http://www.carisadel.com/ Caris Adel

    I think you’re incredible to be strong enough to walk away from that job. And, you have great pictures and the BEST STORY EVER!!! from it. It would be more of a failing to stay in the job because it’s comfortable and sounds impressive. You’ve got guts and you are seriously inspiring. :) Excited to see what you do next!!

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      Caris, thank you so much, sis!!!

  • http://www.bethanysuckrow.com/ Bethany Suckrow

    Oh Grace. I know these days are tough, but you are going to make it. Your words breathe freedom and truth and grace, and that is truly God at work. You’re years ahead of me in life, but every word you wrote here spoke to some pain or frustration of my own and reminded me that I can’t plan my way out of confrontation or hard stuff, but I can embrace it and live it out loud and inspire others along the way.

    You inspire us, Grace. And make us laugh. “I ate cliche’s for breakfast.” BEST LINE EVER.

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      ahahahaha about that line! =) Anyway, thank you for your support & care, Bethany. It’s really an honor to hear that from others, that even in my drama/chaos folks like you are encouraged. I promise you, I’m not all weird-false-humility here, I am sometimes genuinely surprised by that! I will keep going, I must!!!

  • Stephanie Taylor

    My heart is so encouraged after reading this. “But I do have hope!” I was just thinking the other day how despite all that I’m going through, that word ‘but’ in the scriptures and now on here is one of the best words ever. Thank you, Grace. God bless you and your family. :o)

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      Thanks so much, Stephanie! Yes, hold onto hope, this is, I’ve found, one of my greatest assets & the pull from which I find strength in the Lord. The hope of what’s to come. We win. =)

  • http://www.peterdehaan.com/ Peter DeHaan

    With any change comes great opportunity. I am excited for the opportunity ahead of you. May God bless you as you move forward into it.

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      Peter, YES! I have the opportunity & I MUST do good on it! I’m excited to do good on it! With the Lord’s help we will make it! (and thank you so very much for your prayers)!

  • http://www.rocksinajar.com/ Aubrey

    Grace, I am so thankful that I know you. I really don’t think I’ve ever found more inspiration in anyone than I find in you. The way you unabashedly share your story, unapologetically voice your thoughts, and unswervingly stick to the truth of who you are is a blessing to those of us with whom you share. Thank you, Grace.

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      Aubrey! You are just so amazingly kind & I am so completely amazed that *somehow* God uses me in your life. Go God is all I can say to that. =) Seriously, so happy that God is using my MESS to inspire others!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/bran.nicole Brandi N. Williams

    Grace! This is such a reminder that life is a journey- WE NEVER HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER, LOL. I’ve gone through similar things lately & you’re right: the good, the bad, the ugly-it all produces something beautiful!

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      Amen & Amen, Brandi! May it all be for God’s glory!

  • http://www.redemptionpictures.com/ Micah J. Murray

    I love this.

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      aww thanks, Micah! Appreciate your support, even if it is sometimes drunken. lol

  • http://www.alifewithsubtitles.blogspot.com/ Sarah Quezada

    “I’m not in a position to throw out the bad because the good would have
    to go with it. Every failure I’ve had has been wrapped up in a lesson
    or has offered grace in way I’ve never received it before.”

    I love this paragraph! I feel like I’m often re-learning or reflecting on that concept. Thanks for the inspiration as you enter uncharted waters! :)

    • https://gracesandra.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

      Thanks so much, Sarah! Uncharted indeed!

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